I simply adore looking back on how inadequate some of my blog post are. I'm doing well. I'm happy. Call me...maybe?
Much love,
Brandon
Monday, September 17, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The Saturday (actually Thursday) Post
As I was starring at a Norman Rockwell puzzle affixed to my wall today I came to the realization that blogging was not only an expression of my past, but also a part of my pastime. Aside from the clutter of a type A, obsessive compulsive, gay man, I function at a relatively high level. I would say that beyond the inability to control my food intake, I am motivated and intentional about most of the decisions I make. However, the recent realization...I'm procrastinating life because I've never been more terrified.
In a matter of hours on this glorious day in Indiana, I have managed to have 4 cups of coffee, an brilliant counseling session with a best friend, and another positive client interaction. For these things, I am grateful. However, I find myself emotionally drained from an early afternoon tea that did nothing but reiterate the fact that I'm in more denial than I thought. While confident about most things in my life, I'd say today I'm experiencing feelings of trepidation like never before.
I want a job. Obviously I want a job and want it bad. Real money sounds delicious and well deserved. However, I struggle (seriously...I have a physiological reaction to) the stress of not being a student as of 65 days from now. As terrifying or not terrifying as that may be, I cannot process that my life is about to change. I'll be completely out of control (P.s. for those that don't know...I'm a control freak), and I'll be powerless to change it...sort of. I have come to realize that adaptation takes at least a year. One must encounter culture shock, anger, fear, and happiness. These things are only just the beginning of an experience I call graduate school.
To summarize this experience would be completely unnecessary and overly dramatic as I have also learned that nothing is bland in my vocabulary. My friends think I'm outrageous and instead of deny that identity, I plan to embrace it with confidence.
Note: IM OUTRAGEOUS
With that in the back of your mind ("your" meaning that I assume there is at least one person in the world who will see this) understand that this has been the best and most challenging experience of my life. I never thought I would graduate with a masters...and since I haven't yet, let us not hold our breath. Instead lets examine the fact that in an effort to sabotage my own success, I'm lazy in applying for jobs and am holding onto a possibility in DC that probably will not pan out.
Note: IM LOST
In sort, as I become agitated while writing this...I feel like I'm traveling in an unknown direction and nothing makes sense. I'm happy. This I know to be true. I'm also scared. This could be a figment of my imagination, or it could be the result that I have to grow up, suck it up, and be the change I want to see in the world.
L,
B
In a matter of hours on this glorious day in Indiana, I have managed to have 4 cups of coffee, an brilliant counseling session with a best friend, and another positive client interaction. For these things, I am grateful. However, I find myself emotionally drained from an early afternoon tea that did nothing but reiterate the fact that I'm in more denial than I thought. While confident about most things in my life, I'd say today I'm experiencing feelings of trepidation like never before.
I want a job. Obviously I want a job and want it bad. Real money sounds delicious and well deserved. However, I struggle (seriously...I have a physiological reaction to) the stress of not being a student as of 65 days from now. As terrifying or not terrifying as that may be, I cannot process that my life is about to change. I'll be completely out of control (P.s. for those that don't know...I'm a control freak), and I'll be powerless to change it...sort of. I have come to realize that adaptation takes at least a year. One must encounter culture shock, anger, fear, and happiness. These things are only just the beginning of an experience I call graduate school.
To summarize this experience would be completely unnecessary and overly dramatic as I have also learned that nothing is bland in my vocabulary. My friends think I'm outrageous and instead of deny that identity, I plan to embrace it with confidence.
Note: IM OUTRAGEOUS
With that in the back of your mind ("your" meaning that I assume there is at least one person in the world who will see this) understand that this has been the best and most challenging experience of my life. I never thought I would graduate with a masters...and since I haven't yet, let us not hold our breath. Instead lets examine the fact that in an effort to sabotage my own success, I'm lazy in applying for jobs and am holding onto a possibility in DC that probably will not pan out.
Note: IM LOST
In sort, as I become agitated while writing this...I feel like I'm traveling in an unknown direction and nothing makes sense. I'm happy. This I know to be true. I'm also scared. This could be a figment of my imagination, or it could be the result that I have to grow up, suck it up, and be the change I want to see in the world.
L,
B
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