New Beginning?

Today was the first day of classes back at BSU and although I have had roughly a week to acclimate myself with the surroundings in Muncie, I feel more displaced than usual.  I haven't been sleeping well and find myself starring at the ceiling at night asking myself, "am I alone, do I like it here, can I handle this, why wont my eyes freaking sleep?"  It becomes frustrating when you want to do something so badly, but don't have the means or heart of accomplishing that task effectively, and perhaps that is my issue currently. 

I don't know why I muster some of the plans I do, but I feel like there is a greater plan for me. Something big is out there, whether it be an employment opportunity, an educational opportunity, or just the world waiting for me to discover its' surface.  I'm not ready to let go of the past, but I deeply yearn to encounter my future.  

As I sit in my apartment alone sometimes, I truly believe and feel that I may perhaps never be with someone nor will I have children.  People always tell me that is a crazy thought, but I do know a few individuals in there 50's who have went their entire life basically alone.  The more I look at them the more I respect them.  Sometimes I honestly feel that although I have plenty of things to offer another individual, I'm still to selfish to give myself completely to somebody...especially after being hurt.  The idea is dreadful to think about sometimes, but being alone is not so bad when you have great friends.