Kindness

I know there are days that I truly despise the world and everything in it. Call it being pre-menstrual or whatever you please, but I get so angry when people are rude. Granted I certainly have my moments where I forget monumental things such as birthdays, graduations, anniversaries, etc, but little things like saying "thank you" or respectfully disagreeing with a spouse or whatever the situation may be should be considered second nature in my eyes.

I bring this point up because of my brother's situation. I become increasingly affected by his horrid daily decisions and yet he remains selfish to think that the world in its entirety is revolving around the misfortune of his life. My brother is a mean man who makes awful decisions and as a result has lost my family's trust. He is rude, disrespectful, and ignorant to everyone around him, and I fear it stems from a lost relationship and nurtured traits acquired from my father. Neither of these men are prominent in my life and I think that could make me the luckiest man alive.

My mother and sister raised me to have a heart and use compassion as a main facet to any relationship I am in. My father lacks the knowledge to understand human emotion and as a result I sometimes feel he suffers from depression. I know we all have our problems, but my brother is simply acting the way my father did towards my mother 21 years ago, and that is not okay.

If I were to talk to Justin and knew that he was truly listening I would say something like...

Aren't you tired yet....of having to defend your every action out of fear that those around you are going to ridicule you. Stop doing what you have always done and put your trust in the family that loves you. Don't think that we are hurting your image or ganging up on you, simply take what we have to say and use it to better yourself. It is time to grow up and take responsibility for your family, and more importantly your wife and children. You have made decisions that require sacrifice in your life, and whether you like that or not you have uphold your duty as a father and husband. You have all the time in the world to turn around the unfortunate things that have happened to you, and I'm sorry about all those things. Granted, I know we don't have the strongest relationship, but it doesn't mean I don't love you or care. If anything I care too much, and have become afraid to approach this situation knowing what kind of reaction could follow. Please take this letter as from someone who is generally concerned about your health and well being and ask for help when trying to make the big change. You are not weak and can get through this with the help of those who truly want only the best for you.

I don't even know how to end this post, but it comes from an hour long conversation I had with my mother last night. I know I sometimes have complaints about her, but deep down, I wouldn't trade her for the world. She is a fabulous woman and we have a great relationship. Her pain accumulated over the past from my father, steve, and Justin just aggravates me, but the talks we have, like the one last night, really make me proud of her and proud to be her son.

I love you mom.

B