Justin's case is extremely complicated from what I have gained and at this point he is not in jail. He has another court hearing in August and a possible trial after that, but all I know is that things are not looking so good. I find Justin being ungrateful about the financial help and support he is receiving, which boggles my mind because this is costing my family a pretty penny. Justin isn't paying for a thing, and as a result I resent his attitude.
To clear things up...I love my brother, but sincerely hope that someday he finds the internal strength to seek professional attention. He needs to learn to effectively deal with his anger resulting from his past endeavors and learn to communicate with his peers and family on a more positive level. He is brash, selfish, and sincerely mean sometimes. I keep him in my thoughts often, but more importantly his family because I love all of them so much. Mandie is amazing and as I continue to enhance my relationship I fall more and more in love with her. Garret and Carley are priceless and I couldn't be more thrilled to be their uncle.
I think it means more to me to be involved with these children because I don't know what will happen with my own. If Justin does end up in jail through this whole mess, the family will be forever changed and I can't navigate in my head currently where anyone will end up.
Next, my sister had her baby. He is a beautiful baby boy, Charles Matthew Butler (Charlie). I love him so much and more importantly stand thrilled and utterly proud of my sister for following through with yet another thing she said would NEVER happen. Tony and Jammie are the most fitting parents in my eyes. There love for each other runs deep and it shows so passionately. I admire them and the way they are beginning their family.
Moving into my main facet of stress recently...my mother. Granted folks, I love the woman, I really do, but oh my golly while at home this last week I had no control over my overwhelming disliking of her attitude. I honestly don't understand her rational sometimes...it is completely opposite from what she once taught me. Mainly I'm talking about love, but my mother has fallen into the pit of pain and it is difficult to get her out. So many people have tried, but it is almost like she likes it down there. I listen to her cry, I hear her scream, I understand her disappointment at her children's ability to not understand her contributions to our lives, but when does this end. I finally told her that if she didn't like something in her life, she was the only one that could change it.
She questions me for being too textbook, but I feel my mother doesn't understand the traumatic experiences I have been through and why I talk the way I do. I've learned so much on how to protect myself and how to help others, and I just want to share that. She is so stubborn though and it drives me nuts.
More than anything I just want my mother back. I remember the days I could go in her room in the morning and cuddle and we would talk for hours then make breakfast at two in the afternoon. I miss my childhood with my mother, but I want an adulthood with her to and I'm afraid I may never get that if she insist on being tied into an ugly love situation. It is not easy for her I'm sure, and I know she is in pain right now, but I wish she would let me try and help, or listen to those around her. My mother is a phenomenal woman, and there is no doubt in my mind about that, but she has changed...we all have. That does not have to be a bad thing.
I have a job! GO SCOTTYS BREWHOUSE!! More to come on that later I'm sure.
I too have found myself in an odd romance situation. For the record (for all of you who know)...it is ending...PERIOD! We all know that I am better than that and deserve only the finest happiness....LOL!
I'm doing well, relaxing maybe a little to much, poorer than poor can be, and trying to remain optimistic in some difficult times.
B
i.love.you.
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