Summer Recap -

While I haven't logged this experience to the best of my ability because as always, I lose motivation as I acclimate myself with the surroundings, I'm happy to say it has been a wonderful experience. I'm entering my final week at the National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce and couldn't be more satisfied with my first ever internship experience.

Over the past 2.5 months I have developed truly amazing professional relationships. Additionally, I have made some great friends both in and out of the NGLCC. I've experienced what living in a metropolitan setting feels like, and in comparison to Indiana, I really like it. However, this summer has left me more confused and perplexed about what my next career move should be. I'll have the opportunity to come back here, and plan on working in some capacity over the next 9 months with the NGLCC. What I need to decide is how to capitalize on the final chapter of my education (final for now that is).

Learning is a life long process, but there are unspeakable things I have gathered from this experience that are difficult to articulate simply because I can't describe them. For example, there is a learned ability to deal with loneliness when you literally have nothing to satisfy your need for affection, friendship, and human interaction. I never had that issue in Indiana. If I was lonely, it was because I put myself in that situation.

I also feel more empowered to make drastic decisions. Leaving Indiana may in fact be the most difficult thing I ever do because the people I truly love...my family, my friends, my schools...it is all I have ever known. Whether happy or sad (depending how you look at it) this is an opportunity for me to capitalize on my passion and regain strength that I've lost over the past years. I never thought of myself as a pessimist, but I'm realizing just saying I'm an optimist is truly an injustice to those around me. I feel inspired here, I feel like me, I feel lost, but I'm content and more able to breath the optimism I thrive on.

Opportunity is never-ending, and for the first time I see it in front of my face rather than searching for it. This summer has changed me. I knew it would, and I'll be measuring the effects months after I leave, but I can tell you have laid a new set of tracks as an option for my journey.

I'm excited to return to Indiana refreshed. My sister always has a way of making my life seem less amazing. I'm sure she doesn't do this with negative intention, but she mentioned the other day, "get ready to come back to reality, your gay little DC life will end soon." While she has a point that this summer will end and I'll enter another chapter in my life, I refuse to accept her notion that this life will end. Where ever I end up in a year...I'll do me. I'm more comfortable in my skin, and excited for the possibility that the future holds.

I'm going to take the next week to count my blessings, breath in the extremely hot DC air, and permeate my positive attitude in our nations capital!

Cheers!

DC Independence

Good evening, Bloggers.

I hope you had an amazing fourth of July. It is my favorite holiday (mostly because my birthday follows two days later) and this year was extra special because I spent it in DC.

There is something electric about this city during political holidays. I love the energy that runs through everything, literally everything. I feel like the people are more excited, the metro runs at faster speeds, the food tastes better, and everything seems to just gel well.

Needless to say the fireworks were amazing and I had a great time meeting new people.

In other news...I'm down to the final countdown (sort of) I have 25 days left in this city, most of which are planned out and full of events. Thus I feel as though the summer is over and I'll encounter one final year of school before finally being on my own financially, and without class. The thought of that seems both terrifying and liberating. I find myself less stressed at present because 2 job offers sit on the table. Both are promising, but with 9 months till I'm on my way to full independence, how could I ever make a decision.

There are times when I doubt myself so much that I rather sleep all day. Is that depression? I try not to act scared a lot, but the truth is that I regularly fear the world around me and feel incapable of navigating through it without a safety net (e.g., my friends, family, living in Indiana, etc.)

I love DC without a doubt, but it has not been simple. Everything except my social life is perfect, and while I have been meeting people left and right, the connections I have developed are surface level. I guess that expectation is unrealistic. Coming to DC for three months and expecting a new best friend is far fetched I realize, but I do feel lonely sometimes. However, I'm not alone which is great. I've done things by myself that I never thought I would do and I'm proud to say that it regains my confidence in being self-sufficient.

The other day I walked the national mall and realized that now more than ever I have the capability of navigating my own journey. I need to get over myself and learn what true devotion feels like. I want to maintain my friendships from back at home while building new networks to support a potentially big change in my life come May 2012. I want to go sky diving, and travel, and learn more without sitting in a classroom. I want to go to a bar by myself and meet nice guys who could turn into something amazing...all in time I guess.

I should also mention that this blog is a distraction from writing my final paper for a 20 day intensive course at IU. I'm prolonging the inevitable, which means I'm rambling and for that I apologize.

Have a great week!

B