DC Independence

Good evening, Bloggers.

I hope you had an amazing fourth of July. It is my favorite holiday (mostly because my birthday follows two days later) and this year was extra special because I spent it in DC.

There is something electric about this city during political holidays. I love the energy that runs through everything, literally everything. I feel like the people are more excited, the metro runs at faster speeds, the food tastes better, and everything seems to just gel well.

Needless to say the fireworks were amazing and I had a great time meeting new people.

In other news...I'm down to the final countdown (sort of) I have 25 days left in this city, most of which are planned out and full of events. Thus I feel as though the summer is over and I'll encounter one final year of school before finally being on my own financially, and without class. The thought of that seems both terrifying and liberating. I find myself less stressed at present because 2 job offers sit on the table. Both are promising, but with 9 months till I'm on my way to full independence, how could I ever make a decision.

There are times when I doubt myself so much that I rather sleep all day. Is that depression? I try not to act scared a lot, but the truth is that I regularly fear the world around me and feel incapable of navigating through it without a safety net (e.g., my friends, family, living in Indiana, etc.)

I love DC without a doubt, but it has not been simple. Everything except my social life is perfect, and while I have been meeting people left and right, the connections I have developed are surface level. I guess that expectation is unrealistic. Coming to DC for three months and expecting a new best friend is far fetched I realize, but I do feel lonely sometimes. However, I'm not alone which is great. I've done things by myself that I never thought I would do and I'm proud to say that it regains my confidence in being self-sufficient.

The other day I walked the national mall and realized that now more than ever I have the capability of navigating my own journey. I need to get over myself and learn what true devotion feels like. I want to maintain my friendships from back at home while building new networks to support a potentially big change in my life come May 2012. I want to go sky diving, and travel, and learn more without sitting in a classroom. I want to go to a bar by myself and meet nice guys who could turn into something amazing...all in time I guess.

I should also mention that this blog is a distraction from writing my final paper for a 20 day intensive course at IU. I'm prolonging the inevitable, which means I'm rambling and for that I apologize.

Have a great week!

B