Exhaustion

It has been an incredibly long day.  Although full of highly inspirational moments I find myself utterly exhausted from everything.  It was a huge family day starting with helping my sister at 7 in the morning and it is just now starting to wind down.  

Seeing Garret (my two year old nephew) always makes me so happy and as he lays next to me right now trying to fall asleep I have become very doubtful in my abilities to be a good parent.  My heart is big enough to love a child fully, but this little guy has worn me out.  I'm constantly worried about his well being and I am so intrigued by his childhood innocence.  He truly completes a lost part of my heart.  I love spending time with him and today was really a great bonding day.  He is so pure and wonderful, but like I said before, it is just so real to be the only one taking care of him tonight and considering my situation it makes the reality of single parent adoption even more terrifying.  

Had a great talk with an old friend today about how things in life never pan out the way we want them to, but looking at the reality of most situations, angers and stress are almost always inevitable in some shape or form.  What matters the most is how to move on and learn from the past.  I'm beginning to understand that the truth really does hurt sometimes, but more importantly that lying pains the soul even greater.  I'm sick of waiting on resolution that in my heart I know will never come.  

more to come

B