Titles Blow

I've never been good at writing/expressing my emotions. I'm what my friends would call a drama queen. Everything has to be dramatic for me. It is all I have ever known I guess. I wish I was like a dear red headed friend of mine who writes some fucking poetic things, but it is not who I am. That being said I want to take time to express some thoughts on my current life events. 

I suck at politics, but I'm all for Obama. McCain can suck my left gay nut! Marriage is a huge part of my future and that man will do anything to bring the GLBT community down. I hope my political future becomes more knowledgeable, but for now I will continue on with the facts I know. 

I hate having romantic feelings for which I am powerless to control. He has me wrapped on a string. I can't go a day without talking to him and freaking out. I couldn't tell you if it was love, but I can tell you I smile a lot. I have excited feelings inside, and he makes me happy. He isn't good enough for what I have to offer. We are so different, we are so far away, yet we connect on some cosmic level. He is meeting two of my best friends soon...I'm nervous. I want them to see the man I see, the cute, funny, sarcastic man that has stolen my heart. It is so trivial to think that this has happened to me. At this time, when I never could have seen it coming, yet wanted it so much. 

On a even better note, I was tested for HIV for the first time and the results were negative. I have never been more relieved in my life. I also have never been so genuinely scared. In one second because of a single word on an official document, my life could have been forever changed today. I have taken so many things for granted, yet today I remained emotionless when the result was given. I want to do so many things with my life and the motivation just hasn't been there. I want to finish school (why do I want to go to grad school), and I want to start a life. 

Everything I think and feel when I write on this blog is so interesting. I'm scattered brained and neurotic, but that is who I am. I love the person I am becoming because for the first time in a long time I am feeling more like myself. I fit into the shoes I am wearing. 

Here is a little away message that I really liked. A friend wrote it and I was impressed. 

"You loved me first, but I've loved you longer.
Does that mean I win? Or that I'm still losing?"