Time

There comes a point when you realize it is not worth the fight anymore.  He will never love me. I truly feel I have become a crutch or some meaningless person in his life. Maybe I lied to myself from the beginning or ran from the reality. I tend to be a pro at that. Regardless, I'm in the friend zone and I'm sick of acting like his boyfriend, but introduced as "Brandon." He doesn't even introduce for that matter to any of his friends. He is a heartbeat from meeting my mom. He doesn't like me. I know this, and I promise to try my hardest to let him go. What I fear most is losing a great friend. Maybe one of my best. 

He once stated that it takes time, but I'm a firm believer that you just know from that initial moment. I knew from the moment I set eyes on him the first day of class spring semester 08 that I was going to fall in love with him. I never realized I would let it effect me this much, nor did I think I would feel so empty.   My life is good. I am happy. He makes me sad. Relationships should never be like what we have. It is so deep to me, but empty on his end. He feels nothing for me, and I remain devastated. I thought I had the world to offer, and now I feel that if he doesn't want it, I have nothing to give. If this is what love and heartbreak feel like I don't ever want to like anyone ever again. 

Finding reasons to hate him is so simple. I can't hate him though because deep down inside he is the only man I have ever truly loved.   For what it is worth I have learned a lot about myself, how to be assertive, and stick up for what I believe. If all crumbles in the next few weeks (because I expect it will) I will still have my friends, family, and me. I'm stronger today and don't need to be dependent. I liked the ideal for a while of sharing a life with him. It now feels depressing to think about.